Soul Searching Women

    

    As I sit here looking at the blank page, I have decided to be honest. Honest with myself more than I have ever been before.

I. Do. Not. Know. Who. I Am.

    I could sit here for another 2 hours watching the curser, flashing back and forth.  Waiting for me to enter in great advice for other people just like me. But I don’t have the answer—yet.

So, let me describe what I am:

I am a woman of faith.

I am a wife.

I am a mother.

I am 29 years old.

I have wrinkles and grey hair.

I still struggle with acne.

    Now before everyone starts to judge me on the things listed, please keep reading. Some of you may be proud of being every single one of those things. Some days I am too. What I want to express, I am not sure who I am without those things. I don’t know if I like to walk by myself. Think in a house by myself. I don’t even know if I really like myself.  

    Women wrap themselves into their families. We are the shuttle, reminder, alarm clock, cleaner, and the cook. And for the last 10 years, I have been raising my boys with my husband without daily day care. Now my youngest is starting Kindergarten.  I have myself so caught up in everything else in life I have forgotten who I am.

Now what?

    Sure, I could do laundry, clean the dishes, deep clean the carpets, and garden. I could join a gym and work out like all my friends suggested. I could sit and watch soap operas all day too. But do I really want to do those things? No. Maybe I will join a gym this year, clean the dishes, or garden. I just want it to be something I do for me. My decision.

    In the end, I want to know who I am. I want to have that passion for something others have. God put me here for something important. I can feel it. I have this thing inside that is just dying to be figured out. Boiling at the surface. I don’t know how to do it on my own.

    So when I send my son off to school it will be bittersweet. I will be alone for the first time for more hours in the day than ever before. And I want to know that I will not be afraid, not alone in this journey in discovering who I am.

I do know one thing, I am not a good writer, and I will never claim to be. All you gifted writers out there that do this for a living, I am proud of you.  However, this is for other people just like me searching for the answers. I want communication, questions, suggestions, and truthful comments below.

Please share your journey with me.